Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
