Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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