you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
