When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
