guys are not supposed to queef...right?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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