the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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