My underwear smells like fireworks.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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