and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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