Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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