Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
