four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
