I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
