speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize