the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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