you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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