I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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