i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
