I cut my penus on the lid.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
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Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
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Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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