I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
