I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
