At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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