so explain again why im purple
no
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
