god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
