Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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