i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
