A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
two words: eviction party
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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