My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
