he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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