Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize