He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
