So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
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You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
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I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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