what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
