remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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