its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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