I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
