They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
