a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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