My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
