why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
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Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
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You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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