It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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