he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
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Found the puke drawer
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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