The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
