I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
