she looked like the before picture.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
