and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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