I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
