i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
