Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
