so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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