dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
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Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
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Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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