I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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