i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
