And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
