I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
did i just pee glitter
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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