3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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