when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
