it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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