alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
