my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
