Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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